I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
