Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
