i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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