apparently the secret to your success is patron
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
