i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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