I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
