No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
