I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
