Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
