You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
