turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
