I wannas sexs uuuuu
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
