plz talk dirty to me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
