trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
