i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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