sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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