Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
