Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
