yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
