Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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