I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize