Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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