i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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