I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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