i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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