No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
