yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
