So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
