Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
