Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
