Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
