we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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