I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
