Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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