Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
