OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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