It's like God shit irony all over that family
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize