I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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