I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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