Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
