take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't turn off my feet"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
