I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
