Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
