Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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