Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
