You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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