On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
