Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
