We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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