Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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