If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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