He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
