Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
