so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
