I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
