I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize