I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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