your room smells of hookers.
And success
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
