Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
