So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
