I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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