I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize