Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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