i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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