If i come over, it means nothing
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize