So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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