I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
