I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
