Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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